It was raining in Philadelphia today so as I took my spot for my usual after work Sit; I was treated to the wonderful sound of rain. I made a mental note to myself to try to completely empty my brain and let the patter calm me. You see, I have a serious case of “monkey brains” I just can’t shut up in my head. So I sat today with a purpose; determined that I would go for silence, complete total and utter silence.
Guess what? It worked! Ok it only worked in little vignettes but it worked. The problem was as soon as I realized the silence I started thinking about the fact that I was silent. Of course the big problem there is, if I’m thinking about being silent then I’m not. I reset and tried again. All in all it was a pretty good sit and I actually felt refreshed when it was done.
From the start, I’ve had repeated challenges with these daily sits. From not making time to make sure that I do it consistently, to doing it but not have it going in the direction I’d like it to go. I know Philip Moffitt hosts retreats where people learn to quiet the mind and spend most of their time in silence for days on end. I should take solace that by taking a small slice of time each day the little baby steps are leading me toward that ultimate goal. It is somewhat frustrating to experience such sporadic success; however, I do feel baby step progress is still progress so there’s that.
With all the hiccups I’ve had with MKMMA, I have to look at it like just another stepping stone to where I need to go.